Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
this is an emotional support booty call
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
