after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
