I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
