it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
