i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
