before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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