It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
