My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
