She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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