we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
