Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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