they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i think i just lost a toe
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
