Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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