if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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