Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm just crazy horny about you
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
