Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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