Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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