just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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