Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
