So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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