I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's shark week go big or go home
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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