Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
