Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
