Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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