shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
