I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
They have beer where we have blood.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
