he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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