I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize