There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
