I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize