I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
