last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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