I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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