What a fucking waste of an outfit
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
