We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
