the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
