NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think your dad took our porno
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
