T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
