I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
