Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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