i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
