Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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