just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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