You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
