pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The power of my boobs compel you
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
