can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
