So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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