And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
