This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
