Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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