she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
