The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
