well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
