It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
