I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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