I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize