I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
