what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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