now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
