Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
