I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Girls should come with a carfax report
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize