you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
