Don't you send me to vm
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
