And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
