tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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