i need an iv and a liver transplant
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
