Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
