Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Barsexuality is the new black.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
