i just wanna soil my oats bro
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we're making bets on your personal life
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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