My balls are so social today.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
