We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
