think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
