dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
