My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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