I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize