Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
