Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My vagina is officially offended.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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