so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
