Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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