Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
