they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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