Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
