New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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