either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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