I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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