I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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