The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
