I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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