Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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