My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
