We got so high we made milksteak
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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