he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
