You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
