So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize