My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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