come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
