We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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