What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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