i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
