i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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