3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Randomize
