I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
