we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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